


I Know that You're Scared (Because Hearts get Broken)

by Proudmoore (firemedicdiaz)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Buck is the most supportive boyfriend, Eddie has some processing to do, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attacks, a little pinch of smut for good measure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firemedicdiaz/pseuds/Proudmoore
Summary: Fives times Eddie took Buck's pulse and one time Buck took Eddie's.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 27
Kudos: 437





	I Know that You're Scared (Because Hearts get Broken)

The first time it happened, it was almost an accident.

They were on their way back to the station after a rough call. A healthy, twenty nine year-old man had collapsed while playing basketball with friends. They’d arrived on the scene, questioned the bystanders, assessed the patient, and determined the man had suffered a spontaneous pneumothorax. By the time they’d intervened, he’d been without oxygen for long enough that they couldn’t bring him back. He’d been dead before they even had a chance to save him.

The call had been hard on the whole team. They were all silent on their way back to the station, all going over the call in their own heads, all dealing with their emotions in their own ways. They’d all seen death before, they all knew there was nothing they could have done differently, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t difficult to process. Every life was meaningful, and losing one was not something anyone ever really got over entirely.

Eddie’s eyes were glued to Buck as they made their way back. Buck was staring out the window, watching the scenery whiz by as he processed everything. Eddie’s eyes searched Buck’s face, trying to get a reading on his emotions, but all he saw were the similarities that Buck shared with the patient they’d just lost. The same brilliant blue eyes, the same sharp jawline, the same over six-foot tall frame. It could just as easily have been Buck on the ground, Eddie thought distantly, and suddenly there was an unexpected, unwelcome anxiety gripping his heart and taking up precious space in his rib cage, making it hard to breathe. 

In a split second, Eddie was back at the scene of the explosion, waiting to run to Buck, to help him, to save him. Then he was back at the VA hospital after the tsunami, Buck’s voice breaking as he tried to tell Eddie that he’d lost Christopher. Next it was Athena’s place at Buck’s welcome back party after the lawsuit, dropping to his knees next to Buck’s crumpled body, trying to keep his airway open as blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and sirens wailed in the distance as another crew raced to save him.

Forcing himself back into the present, Eddie reached out reflexively, his hand landing on Buck’s arm. Shifting, aimless, purposeless beyond grounding himself through their point of contact, Eddie’s fingers found Buck’s wrist. He could feel Buck’s pulse beneath his fingertips; slow, steady, stable,  _ alive _ . It was instantly calming and while he knew the longer he lingered, the more likely Buck and the crew were to notice the display of affection, he found himself unable to pull away. It wasn’t the reassurance Eddie thought he’d needed, but the longer he held on, the more his own heartbeat slowed until he could breathe normally again, unburdened by the anxiety the flashbacks had wrought.

If Buck had noticed, he hadn’t said a word. He just glanced over at Eddie after a little while, a small smile on his face. He seemed content to let Eddie touch him, and that was just so perfectly, characteristically  _ Buck _ that it made Eddie’s heart swell with love for him. Reassured, his anxiety in check, Eddie flashed Buck a smile of his own and sat back in his seat once more, turning his own attention to the sights flying by the window.

The second time, Eddie was running on autopilot.

It was the middle of the night. Buck was spending the night at his place after a late shift. It had been a long and difficult one, calls coming in one after the other. They’d barely had time to hydrate, let alone rest and debrief. It had weighed on both of them. Where it had tired Buck out so completely he’d fallen straight to sleep and stayed that way, it had triggered long-repressed memories for Eddie, dredging up specters of restless nights punctuated by gunfire and mortar blasts outside of their encampment in Afghanistan. 

He’d fallen asleep after a time, breathing in a rhythmic, meditative fashion like he’d been trained to do in the army. Four seconds in, hold for four, then four seconds out. Eventually it had worked, but it didn’t stop the nightmares from finding him. The helicopter crash, his squad coming under fire, feeling a bullet tear through his shoulder, waking up in the field hospital afterward. He twitched restlessly in his sleep, a cold sweat breaking out of his forehead. The dreams pressed in on him and he tossed and turned uneasily, crying out wordlessly until he felt warmth, real and present, come through the haze. Hands closed around his upper arms, pulling him out of the nightmare and back to reality.

It was so dark in the bedroom when Eddie’s eyes opened that he was briefly blinded by the fading flicker of flames in his dreams. A soft voice called to him and he froze as his mind tried to place it.

“Eddie, hey, it’s okay, it was just a dream,” Buck murmured.

Eddie stopped fighting when he realized he was in no danger, his body collapsing back against the mattress, exhausted. His chest burned from the exertion of breathing hard and he could feel himself trembling. Buck’s hands were still there, holding him, cradling Eddie to his chest. Eddie pressed his cheek to Buck’s collarbone and was surprised to feel wetness there - tears he hadn’t realized he’d been crying.

Buck held him for several minutes, murmuring soft, wordless reassurances into Eddie’s hair while his breathing evened out. Once Eddie had stopped shaking quite so violently, Buck’s grip on him eased a little, giving him some space. Eddie reached up, running a tired hand over his face.

“Thank you.”

Buck smiled, leaning in to press a kiss into Eddie’s hair before shifting to lie back down beside him. Eddie turned onto his side facing Buck and reached over, his hand finding Buck’s wrist. This time when he curled his fingers over Buck’s radial artery, it was automatic. He held on tightly, feeling Buck’s strong, slow pulse. He closed his eyes and allowed his entire world to narrow to that one point of contact. 

Buck’s hand moved a little under Eddie’s touch and Eddie wasn’t sure whether he was imagining it or not, but he could have sworn Buck had moved in a way that made it even easier for Eddie to feel his pulse. If that was the case, though, Buck didn’t say a word. Within a few minutes, Eddie heard Buck’s breathing slow and deepen. Between the sound of Buck’s soft snores and the cadence of his pulse lulling him into a state of relaxation, Eddie, too, was back to sleep within minutes.

The third time was intentional and direct and  _ necessary _ .

A violent wind had kicked up in the city and it had destabilized a window washing rig on the outside of a highrise downtown. There were two workers trapped on the rig and one of the ropes had failed, leaving them dangling seven stories above the street and unable to pull themselves to safety. 

Upon arrival on scene, it quickly became apparent that the situation was far from ideal. A second rope had failed under the added weight on it and the entire rig had become destabilized. It was only a matter of time before the last two lines failed and the whole thing came down.

Working as a unit and together with two other crews, the members of the one-eighteen got into position for the rescue. Buck and Eddie headed up to the roof to work the ropes while the rest of the crew positioned the ladders and a rescue cushion. Hen and Chim stood by, ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice in case their expertise was required.

Buck made the descent from the roof to the rig uneventfully, but things went south the moment he arrived. One of the workers was severely panicked, and before Buck could ask him to stay still so he could be harnessed in for descent, the man reached for Buck and clung on desperately, one hand clinging to Buck’s calf, the other still wrapped around the guardrail on the rig. The shift in weight distribution sent the rig swinging and Buck was thrown off balance, nearly losing his grip on his line. At the same time, he heard a yell from behind him and glanced over his shoulder to find the other worker clinging onto the guard rail, his harness tangled and keeping him caught far too tightly up against it.

Weighing his options as the remaining two lines on the rig creaked ominously while they hung there, swaying, Buck knew there wasn’t much he could do. He carefully released his guide hand and reached for his radio to request a second set of hands on the ropes, but before he could make the call, the rope on the corner of the rig farthest from him snapped. The worker that was tangled in his harness there was jerked hard, and Buck heard a cracking sound as some of the buckles on the harness gave way, dislodging the man and sending him hurtling toward the cushion below.

Cursing under his breath as firefighters swarmed the cushion to check on the fallen man, Buck refocused on his remaining charge. He ducked for cover as a rain of broken glass fell from overhead, the corner of the rig having broken several windows above them when it swung free as it gave way.

“Help, please!” The man clinging to him. “I can’t hold on!”

Buck looked down to where the man was grasping the guardrail, his knuckles white with effort. He could see then that the situation was even more precarious than he’d anticipated - the carabiner binding the man’s harness to the rig had disfigured under the strain of being wrenched during the initial drop and was no longer secure. The only thing keeping the worker from falling was his tenuous grip.

“Hang on,” Buck encouraged the man as he replaced his guide hand. “I’m going to get you out of here, but you need to hang tight for a second and trust me.”

He allowed himself to drop another foot so he was more level with the man. With the rig barely hanging on, at risk for falling any moment, there was nowhere for Buck to anchor himself so he could harness the man in. Cursing inwardly, Buck changed tactics. 

Before he could so much as open his mouth to communicate his new plan, the rig shuddered violently, caught in another sudden gust. Panicked, the man released his grip on the rig, grabbing desperately at Buck. The additional weight strained Buck’s grip on the rope and he gritted his teeth. The only option left was for the man to let go, but before Buck could instruct him to do so, the man twisted and squirmed, trying to climb Buck, driven by fear, and Buck’s own grip failed.

His heart rate spiking from the adrenaline of being sent into freefall, Buck flailed as both he and the worker plummeted seven stories, sinking into the airbag below in a tangle of arms and legs. Buck could taste blood as he bit his tongue when they came to a stop, the cushion rippling around them. He could already feel his legs bruising where they’d slammed into the other man on impact, but he was otherwise intact.

Meanwhile, Eddie had watched Buck’s line go slack. He cursed, peering over the edge of the building and watching his crew scramble around the rescue cushion as Buck and the worker rolled off of it. Things hadn’t gone to plan, and Eddie’s anxiety mounted as he released the anchor, dropping the ropes as he picked it and what was left of their gear up, rushing to get back down to ground level.

Abandoning the elevator for something quicker, Eddie ran down flight after flight of stairs, bursting out the emergency door at the bottom of the stairwell. He glanced around, taking off at a run for the ambulance where he could see Bobby ushering Buck to sit on the back step while Hen and Chimney tended to a patient inside.

“I can take him,” Eddie offered, setting the rappelling equipment down next to the ambulance.

Bobby gave him a nod, stepping aside and clapping Eddie on the shoulder. Eddie watched Bobby move off to help with the scene wrap up for a moment before turning his attention to Buck. He didn’t even have it in him to roll his eyes at Buck’s audacity as the other man smiled at him like he hadn’t just fallen roughly seventy feet; his mind was too busy worrying about the potential of deceleration injury.

Eddie was on autopilot as he moved to assess Buck, his eyes scanning for any outward signs of trauma as he reached for Buck’s wrist. He’d been anticipating a struggle, or at the very least a brush off, but was pleasantly surprised to see Buck compliant for once. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, he focused on the task at hand.

Buck’s pulse was strong, steady, and only mildly elevated. Hell, Eddie’s own was easily twice as fast, and only partially because he’d literally run to Buck’s side. Shaking his head in slight awe of Buck’s resilience, he continued with his exam. Buck sat patiently through Eddie checking him over without protest, even when Eddie’s examining fingers found the deep bruises on his legs from where he’d collided with the man he’d been trying to save when they hit the cushion.

Satisfied that Buck was in no immediate danger, Eddie stepped closer to Buck, taking his wrist once more. Buck’s eyes flashed up to look at him and Eddie couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Didn’t you already do this?” Buck asked, his tone neutral - inquisitive but not impatient.

“Humor me,” Eddie said lightly, averting his gaze.

Buck shrugged, content to let Eddie do whatever he felt was necessary. If pressed, Buck would’ve admitted he felt guilty for all the times the crew had been forced to watch him get hurt - that Eddie had been forced to. If it made Eddie feel better to check and double check that he was alright then he’d put up with it. 

Eddie was quiet for a long minute, holding onto Buck’s wrist until he felt his anxiety begin to wane. He turned his attention to Buck when he felt the other man reach up to touch his hand, holding it in place, wordlessly assuring him that it was okay to hold on for a little longer. Eddie was grateful, and for the first time he began to wonder whether Buck was on to him. Regardless, he stayed close for as long as he was able, letting Buck’s rhythmic, steady pulse reassure him until the scene was clear and it was time to head back to the station.

The fourth time was unexpected and desperate. 

Eddie had been watching Buck and Christopher at the beach. They were wading in the gently rolling waves, the bottoms of their shorts getting wet; a welcome respite from the afternoon heat. Eddie was chewing on a carrot stick, finishing up the few leftover bites of their picnic lunch before they warmed up too much.

A breeze picked up, bringing a few larger waves with it. Eddie could hear Christopher’s shrieks of laughter over the rumble of the surf and he smiled as Buck picked him up when the waves rolled in, keeping him safe and mostly dry.

_ Safe _ .

Eddie hadn’t been expecting the surge of panic as his mind caught on the word. Suddenly, Christopher’s peals of laughter took on a different quality. The crash of water on sand as the waves grew larger and wilder made Eddie’s stomach clench. His heart thundered heavily in his chest as he watched a sudden surge overtake Christopher and douse him completely, catching Buck well over his chest, too.

He was on his feet, running for the waterline before he could rationalize the scene before him. Christopher was still laughing with Buck holding him under the arms, wet but no worse for wear. Buck scooped Christopher up into his arms, keeping him out of the ocean’s reach as the two turned back toward shore and headed inland to dry off. 

Eddie reached them as they crossed the threshold onto dry sand. His expression was faraway and panicked. Buck frowned, pausing as Eddie stopped, his eyes taking them in, calculating, assessing. 

“Everything okay?” Buck asked.

_ Images of water reaching for miles, the draw of it throwing around debris and bodies, its destructive flow leaving nothing untouched. Christopher alone, scared, separated from Buck, and Buck running screaming through the streets, searching, desperate. Things that Eddie hadn’t seen for himself, but that his mind saw fit to fill in in hyper realistic detail in his dreams in the wake of the tsunami. A trauma he’d experienced from a detached, outside perspective until the moment he’d thought Christopher was dead. A thought that had lasted no more than three seconds, but that had drawn all of the air from his lungs and the warmth from his core _ . 

“Yeah,” Eddie lied, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “You guys just looked like you were having so much fun, I wanted to join in.”

Buck wasn’t fooled, but he flashed Eddie a smile for Christopher’s sake. Setting the boy down, Buck ruffled his hair.

“Why don’t you get a start on a sand castle?” Buck suggested. “I’m just going to dry off a bit and then I’ll come help you.”

Christopher nodded with a brilliant smile, one that cut through Eddie’s anxiety just the slightest bit, and made his way toward where he’d dropped his pail and trowel earlier. Buck watched him until he was settled and then turned to Eddie, reaching up to grasp Eddie’s upper arms. He squeezed gently and tried to meet Eddie’s gaze, though Eddie was staring off into the distance.

“Talk to me,” Buck said softly. 

Eddie sighed, reaching up to run a hand over his face, shaking his head. Following Eddie’s gaze, it didn’t take Buck long to put two and two together. He put a lid on a small spike of anxiety of his own, wordlessly coaxing Eddie to turn back toward where their blanket was spread out and leading him over to it. Eddie sat down, bracing his forearms on his thighs and attempting to look anywhere but at the ocean, his gaze eventually settling on Christopher about ten yards away.

Buck watched Eddie for a little while, eventually reaching over to put a supportive hand on Eddie’s thigh. Eddie jumped, startled, and unconsciously reached down to clutch Buck’s hand.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” Buck assured him. “But either way, I’m right here.”

Eddie nodded a wordless thanks, wrapping his other hand around Buck’s wrist, clinging to him like a lifeline. He closed his eyes and tried to even his breathing, realizing as he did so that he could feel Buck’s pulse beneath his fingers. It was strong and steady; calm in a way that slowly chipped away at Eddie’s inner turmoil.

This time, there was no mistaking the fact that Buck was onto him. Eddie felt some trepidation as Buck moved closer, shifting so he was kneeling in front of Eddie. He took Eddie’s hand and raised it to his chest, pressing Eddie’s palm over his heart. He held Eddie’s gaze until Eddie eventually looked up at him. The fear and uncertainty in Eddie’s eyes was so familiar it made Buck’s own heartbeat a little heavier, but he never wavered.

“I’m right here,” Buck reiterated.

Eddie nodded, submitting himself to Buck’s knowing, pointed reassurance. He took a slow, steadying breath and exhaled shakily. Eventually, Buck’s heartbeat beneath his hand helped his own racing heart to slow, and Eddie flashed him a small, grateful smile. A few more moments passed between them before Christopher came running over to see what was taking them so long, and by then Eddie was feeling mostly back to normal. As they followed Christopher back over to his half-built sandcastle, Eddie only hoped that Buck knew how grateful he was.

The fifth time was unlike any of the ones before it.

It was just the two of them. The house was quiet, the darkness of the late evening punctuated only by soft lamplight. Christopher was spending the night at Hen’s place for Denny’s birthday so he and Buck had the place to themselves. It wasn’t often they had all night in each other’s company and what had started out as a movie night had quickly turned into much more. It was infinitely better than the stolen moments they usually got, and they couldn’t keep their hands off of one another.

Eddie’s chest heaved as Buck broke the kiss they were sharing, his hands dropping away from Buck’s face, fingertips tracing the strong lines of Buck’s jaw, his shoulders, his pecs. Buck shivered, inhaling sharply as Eddie playfully teased at his nipples. His cock hardened in response, pressing into Eddie’s thigh where he was straddling it.

Emboldened by their shared arousal, they moved quickly through foreplay, exchanging kisses, nips, and touches. Eddie moaned as Buck’s hand fisted around his shaft, dropping his head onto Buck’s shoulder and shuddering at the languid stroke Buck gave him. He was almost completely distracted by Buck’s touch, by how good and right and natural it felt, but he was on a mission. He wanted more; he wanted to feel Buck, to be entwined with him, inside of him, as close to him as possible. They’d been through so goddamned much in the relatively short time they’d known each other that Eddie worried for what the future might hold. He wanted to take every opportunity he could to be present with Buck, to make the moment count, to touch him and learn every inch of his body.

Eddie groaned as his faculties returned to him, reaching down to wrap his hand around Buck’s, stopping him before he could bring Eddie any closer to orgasm. He shifted out from under Buck, meeting his eyes and gesturing to the bed.

“Lie back,” Eddie ordered, his voice thick and gravelly with lust.

Buck didn’t need to be told twice. He leaned forward, giving Eddie one last quick, needy kiss before climbing over him to lie down. Meanwhile, Eddie wasted no time reaching into the bedside table for lube and a condom. It took him just moments to roll the condom on so he didn’t have to break up the rhythm later, and soon he was kneeling between Buck’s legs, smoothing his palms over Buck’s thighs.

“Is this what you want?” Eddie asked.

Buck nodded.

“Use your words,” Eddie rasped.

“Yes,” came Buck’s husky reply. “Want you inside me.”

Eddie didn’t need any more of an invitation than that. He wanted to bury himself inside of Buck, but he didn’t want to rush things. Swallowing thickly and forcing himself to slow down, Eddie uncapped the lube and gave Buck’s legs a gentle nudge even further apart. He watched Buck take his cock in hand and stroke it slowly as Eddie dripped lube onto his fingers, coating them completely. Eddie set the bottle aside and splayed one hand on Buck’s belly, holding Buck in place as his fingers found Buck’s entrance.

“Ah!”

Buck keened softly as Eddie sank a finger inside of him and it made Eddie’s cock twitch. Buck was so beautiful when he came undone and it made Eddie’s head spin knowing he was the one who could bring him to the edge like that. He watched Buck unravel little by little as he worked his finger in deeper, waiting until Buck was pressing against his hand before sinking in a second one, then a third. By the time Eddie was scissoring his fingers inside of Buck, Buck’s skin was shimmering with sweat, his chest heaving with ragged breaths as he wantonly impaled himself on the invading digits.

“Ready for my cock,  _ mi rey _ ?” 

“Please,” Buck begged, releasing his hold on his cock, fisting his hands in the sheets beneath him.

Eddie withdrew his fingers in one swift motion, leaving Buck feeling impossibly empty. He didn’t make Buck wait long, though. He shuffled forward on his knees, pressing his cock to Buck’s waiting hole, watching just the head disappear at first.

“ _ Fuck _ , Eddie,” Buck breathed, throwing his head back and shutting his eyes as he adjusted to the stretch.

“Too much?”

Buck shook his head and Eddie smiled, slowly pressing in deeper. Eddie let out a groan of his own as Buck enveloped him, swallowing his cock with ease until they were pressed together. He dropped his forehead on Buck’s chest, taking a moment to breathe. Buck’s hands came up, carded through his hair, made him shiver as they dragged lightly over the back of his neck.

Eddie took a moment to just  _ feel _ . Being so close to Buck, their bodies joined, breathing chest to chest, was dizzying. He felt at once raw and vulnerable and completely safe with Buck. It was a connection he’d never shared with anyone before, and it made his chest constrict as tears suddenly threatened. 

There was no hiding it from Buck.

“Hey, you okay?”

Eddie nodded against Buck’s chest.

“Look at me.”

He hesitated a moment, eventually lifting his head as Buck’s hands found his shoulders, rubbing soothingly. He met Buck’s eyes, a radiant blue even in the low light, and felt himself relax at the love and sincerity he found there. Buck reached up, cupping Eddie’s face, brushing a thumb over his cheekbone. With his free hand, he reached for one of Eddie’s, bringing it up and flattening Eddie’s palm over his chest, right above his heart.

“I love you,” Buck said softly. “I’ve got you.”

Eddie nodded, taking a moment to drink in the feeling of Buck’s pounding heart beneath his palm. It was intoxicating, knowing the effect he was having on Buck. Lust flared deep in his belly and he was overcome with a sudden, desperate urge to  _ move _ .

Buck moaned wantonly, his back arching involuntarily as Eddie withdrew part way and thrust back in. The rhythm was slow at first, a delicious drag of skin on skin that made Buck’s cock ache with a need to be touched. He took his hand away from Eddie’s face, palming his cock and stroking in time to Eddie’s thrusts. The hand he had pressing Eddie’s palm into place on his chest never wavered, though. His grip was ironclad, unwavering so much so that he could feel his own heartbeat beneath their hands.

“I love you,” Eddie echoed, the words tumbling from his lips like a prayer.

He picked up the pace, holding Buck’s gaze as their climaxes built, swelled. The beat of Buck’s heart was strong and sure, and Eddie knew unequivocally that what they were doing, where they were going, the road they were walking together, was right. 

“Buck…”

“You feel that? You feel my heart beating for you? Racing for you?”

Eddie nodded, just a quick jerk of his head.

“Are you gonna cum for me?”

That was all it took. Between Buck’s encouragement and the pounding beneath his palm, Eddie couldn’t stop his orgasm. He gritted his teeth, nearly forgetting to breathe as he came inside of Buck. Spurred on by Eddie’s release, Buck came, too, spilling himself all over his hand, letting go of his cock within moments of release as the overstimulation made the contact almost painful.

Eddie pulled out, leaving Buck feeling hollow but not empty. Never empty; not as long as they were together, side by side, heart to heart. Buck smiled, satiated, and caught Eddie as Eddie’s muscles gave out in the wake of his orgasm. Rolling the two of them over, Buck pressed his lips to Eddie’s forehead, gathering him in his arms and holding him close.

There were no words exchanged, no sentiments laid out in clear-cut terms and formal ways. There were no longing looks, no fleeting touches hinting at a fear that the intimacy would flee too soon. There were just the two of them, together, one mind and one heart. It was better than anything Eddie ever could have asked for.

Turnabout was fair play, Eddie reckoned, and so the next time was a pleasant surprise.

Eddie was busy with start-of-shift duties, testing the SCBA release in the ladder truck’s cab, yawning as his lack of sleep caught up with him. Christopher had been up sick all night and Eddie had barely slept a wink. He’d considered staying home to keep Christopher company and catch a nap, but  _ abuela _ had shooed him off with promises that her homemade  _ sopa de fideos _ would have Christopher feeling better in no time. He’d stopped for coffee on his way in, but it had done little to dispel the exhaustion.

Flipping the last air tank back into place, Eddie put his head in his hands and suppressed another yawn. He leaned back in his seat, tipping his head back against the headrest and closing his eyes for just a moment. The clatter of footsteps on the steps beside him startled him, and he opened his eyes just in time to watch Buck climb into the cab and settle in the seat across from him, elbows on his knees as he leaned toward Eddie.

“So this is where you’re hiding out,” Buck said with a smile, his expression flagging a little when he noticed the dark circles under Eddie’s eyes. “You okay?”

Eddie nodded.

“Just a sleepless night.”

Buck didn’t look convinced. He reached out to touch Eddie’s knee and the warm weight of his hand threatened Eddie’s calm. Buck was his safe place, his sanctuary, and it would be so easy to come undone if Eddie let himself. It would be too easy to invite himself into Buck’s embrace, to cling to him and let the frustration out, but Eddie wasn’t quite ready for overt public displays of affection just yet.

Not that there was any hiding from Buck.

Eddie watched as Buck reached out with his free hand to touch his wrist. Buck’s fingertips found his pulse straight away, though it wasn’t too much of a challenge as Eddie could feel his heart pounding from the exertion of pushing through his exhaustion. Buck’s gaze never wavered as they sat in silence for a long minute, more meaning passing between them in that moment than words alone could have conveyed.

“I can see why you do this sometimes,” Buck murmured eventually. “It’s kind of grounding.”

Eddie smiled briefly, surprised that the vulnerability he thought he’d feel when Buck finally figured him out was not there. Instead, he felt a deep, comforting connection. An understanding passed between them as Eddie’s pulse reverberated off of Buck’s fingers, tying them together even more tightly than they had been already. It made Eddie’s cheeks heat and he glanced away, suddenly shy to be laid out bare.

Buck’s grip loosened after a moment as he read Eddie’s expression, worried he’d overstepped. Eddie was quick to assure him that wasn’t the case, grasping Buck’s hand and holding it in place. Buck smiled, readjusting his grip, watching Eddie with a slight fascination. 

“You’re safe with me, you know that, right?”

Eddie was grateful for Buck’s insightfulness, his uncanny ability to sense exactly what Eddie needed to hear at any given moment. Eddie looked up to meet Buck’s eyes and as he lost himself in them, he felt his heart rate start to come down. Buck was home, and most importantly, he was  _ his _ . There was nothing Eddie needed to be afraid of, nothing he couldn’t face with Buck at his side. His exhaustion was quickly fizzling out, becoming a distant memory as Buck’s warm, gentle touch grounded him. He laughed with a shake of his head.

“Yeah, I know.”


End file.
